Category Archives: Poetry

My Memory of 9/11

September 11 A

On 9/11, my office was on the corner of Broadway and 4th Street. Every day, my round-trip, six-block, same-side-of-the-street walk from the E Subway West 4th Street stop to my office went like this:

I would pass a police command station permanently parked outside of Washington Square Park by New York University. In the morning, there was always the same police officer—a graying man in his fifties, bopping up and down to music emanating from his mobile post. Sometimes it was Elvis or The Beach Boys; sometimes it was Frankie Valli.

On the way home at night, I would pass the command post just about the time that the morning and evening officers were changing shifts. The evening officer was in his mid-twenties, and his music of choice was The Police, which I found hilariously ironic.

I got to know their names—Officer Tommy in the morning and Officer Kevin in the evening. Kevin, the one in his 20s, would occasionally play Beatles music, and I would compliment him on his choice, sharing with him how I grew up on the Beatles. When Kevin started to play less Police and more Beatles, Tommy would tease Kevin and say that he was playing Beatles music for the “Madam Publisher.” Kevin had the cutest, impish side grin, and he reminded me so much of my son.

And then came 9/11. Following the horrific events of that day, our office building was government-mandated to shut down for a few days. My first day back into the city and back into my routine was a tough one.

The smell was unbearable, and I panicked at the thought of what it was. There were flyers everywhere—faces of hundreds of men and women affixed to telephone poles, fences, park benches, and trees. Many of the flyers covered the sidewalks and streets, and the pedestrians walked oh-so carefully to avoid stepping on the faces of the missing.

As I approached my half-block point from the mobile police station, the music was also missing. In the distance, I saw Officer Tommy running toward me, saying, “Thank God, you’re okay. I haven’t seen you in a while. I thought something had happened to you.” As he wrapped his arms around me, I felt awkward but also comforted.

Then he placed his hands on my shoulders, and through tears, said, “Kevin, the night cop—you know, the kid—he went to the World Trade Center to help that morning, and nobody has seen him since.” With his hands still on my shoulders, we stood there for a few seconds, both of us slightly embarrassed. “He was my kid’s age,” Officer Tommy continued. “And now he’s gone, just like that.”

Every day, we would catch up for a few minutes on my way to the office. He would go to Ground Zero most nights after his shift to help “bring his brothers home.” And he never played music again.

One morning, Tommy told me he was struggling. I told him that I found writing poetry to be good therapy, and that he should try it. “I’m no writer. I’m a New York City cop,” was his reply.

But he followed my suggestion and one morning handed me a poem about 9/11, which I immediately read when I got to my office. I was looking forward to seeing him that evening to tell him how talented he was and how his poem left me trembling.

But he wasn’t there that night, or the next morning, or the morning after that. At first, I thought maybe he was on vacation. But after a week had gone by, I asked the officer on duty, “Where’s Tommy?” And he answered, “He’s gone. He retired from the force. He couldn’t take the job no more.”

In Tommy’s honor, below is the 9/11 poem he gave me the last time I saw him. How terribly sad that I never got the chance to tell him what I thought about his stirring and poignant poem or to say a proper goodbye.

HONOR GUARD AT GROUND ZERO
By my friend, Police Officer Thomas Brennan from the 6th Precinct

Rake gently over our brother’s grave.
Speak softly where he sleeps.
His soul ascends
His spirit raised
Raised well above these ruins of death
He speaks to us
We stand erect
Amid the numbing breeze of winter’s breath
We salute our brother and raise our palms.
Raised well above our breast
Our palms outstretched
We crease our brows, our minds, our hearts.
Where underneath our brother lies
In sorrow, we salute him.
Honor Guard

 

You Don’t Know Me


In honor of International Women’s Day, I rummaged through my writings this morning for something to represent my social, economic, cultural, and political achievements. I decided to share my lame attempt at rap.

You Don’t Know Me

You don’t know me, and I don’t know you. I barely know myself. Hell, I just recently found out that I’m a Syrian Jew. A Jew from my father’s side. He went by Christian, but his mother was a Jew. A swarthy Syrian man I never knew. Because according to my mom, he was a hitman and gangster bad, so bad he couldn’t be a good dad, but not that long ago, I met his other kids, and they turned out fine, unlike me, who got screwed over by that pedophile stepdad of mine.

You don’t know me, and I don’t know you. You don’t know one thing about me. I come from the projects you see. Yet all you see is bright white, so you see easy, but my life has never been easy or bright. I get you, but you don’t get me because you’re too busy making your assumptions about what white is supposed to be.

I’m not even white; remember, I’m a Syrian Jew. I’m brown like you, but you don’t see brown at all; all you see is a Jew. And FYI, plenty of Jews aren’t white, but you don’t see that either. You’re as bad as those KKK whities who think every Jew is a tighty colonial miser.

And I don’t live in Israel, okay? I’m a hard-working, tax-paying citizen of the U.S. of A.

You don’t know me, and I don’t know you, but you think I hate you because you hate me even though we come from the same kind of barely-surviving family. But all you see is that I dress so pretty and speak so nice; you don’t know that the snapping of the traps kept me up all night, breaking the necks of the rats and the mice.

I speak so nice because that mother of mine was afraid that if her rich boyfriend found out that I  spoke like I was poor, he’d slam our faces flat against the wrong side of the money door. So, she sent me—her persuasive parrot carrot—to charm school to learn diction at night. So, yeah, I learned to speak nice, alright, but don’t F with me because the projects, the rats, and the mice will seep right out of me, and I’ll give you one stark-crazy hell of a fight.

Growing up, my little body lacked food, and it was full of worms, but I’m not telling you this to make you squirm. I’m just trying to help you to see that you don’t know anything about me. All you see is white; you don’t see my trials, my tribulations, and my messed-up strife. I’ve been jumping through hoops to prove myself to white people my whole miserable life.

I get you, but you don’t get me; you’ve got no clue. You think I’m fancy pants, but oh no, I’m not, not with the crazy shit that I’ve been through. So, take another look because sometimes what you see isn’t what you get, and what you think you get about white isn’t always true.

So, take another look. Do you still see white? Oh yeah, I see you looking at me with a new eye. Don’t worry. Don’t be shy. I’m not judging you. It’s alright.

Because I think you’re finally getting it—I’m not that white. Now that I’ve told you just a little bit about the hell that I’ve been through, I can see that I’ve got you thinking that I might be more like you than you.

Another Lost Year

I’ve gone ahead and moved forward in life with those I can.
But I still treasure the frozen-in-time memories of those who ran.

Today, I wished for something I know, at least for now, can never be.
She’s still young, so I have faith that one day she’ll reach out to me.

I see the resemblance in her fly-away hair and heart-shaped chin.
With tiny hands planted firmly on her hips, she’s my mighty munchkin.

Then I asked myself how many years it would take — nine or maybe ten.
Add them to my already ancient self; no respite for the unwitting tragedienne.

One day, you will wonder if I ever thought of you or who you were to me.
Every day, I think of you and curse the deliberate chopping down of our family tree.

Comfort

To feel his arms around me was
as healing as anything I have
ever felt.

He took me by surprise,
when he came behind me
as I sat reading a self-help
book and gently enveloped
me in all of his pubescence.

I held back tears as
my little guy held me
tightly and wrapped me
up in his loving innocence.

Somehow, he felt my sorrow,
and he knew just what to do
to take the pain away.

If I died in that moment,
it would have been the most
beautiful of endings.