All posts by Teri

My Personal Bill of Rights for Friends and Family

Observe & Ponder

(On this day of all days, I need to remind myself that I’m enough not just for today, but for the rest of my time here.)

1. You may not always like what I have to say, but you’ll always know where I stand.

2. I’m not looking for a relationship primarily focused on your needs and feelings, with little to no consideration for mine.

3. If I try to explain to you how your actions have hurt me, don’t try to twist everything around.

4. Stop feeling sorry for yourself by making excuses and start holding yourself accountable for your selfish and hurtful behavior towards me.

5. Take responsibility for your actions and words for a change because I see right through your flimsy rationalizations.

6. Don’t try to gaslight and accuse me of “starting with you,” when I’m trying to be heard in the hopes of salvaging whatever this is that we have (or don’t have).

7. If I tell you how your behavior makes me feel, that’s not starting a fight—that’s open, honest, and caring communication. Because if I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t be trying to fix things between us.

8. You dismissing how I feel is manipulative and narcissistic, so don’t do it.

9. Put yourself in my shoes, and be brutally honest with yourself for a change.

10. Own up to your self-serving actions because you don’t get to wound me with your thoughtlessness, and then play the victim when I call you out.

11. I’m not being “cruel,” I’m being honest.

12. I’m not overreacting; I’m reacting to being disrespected, overlooked, pushed aside, and used by you.

13. You don’t get to cause me pain, and then get angry when I speak up for myself.

14. Stop lying to me and yourself—your little white lies are lies nonetheless.

15. I have a responsibility to myself to stand up for my beliefs and my boundaries.

16. If I’m depleted instead of completed, I need to stop caring about someone who finds it so easy to invalidate and discount my emotions.

17. Don’t even think about saying “but” after you say you’re sorry, because I’m tired of hearing your empty excuses.

18. I’m looking for two-way relationships, or I need to move on. Life is too short to end up at a dead end.

The Patron Saint of Whatever

Family & Relationships

I recently found an Infant of Prague medal that belonged to my grandmother in a small red box tucked away in my jewelry armoire. Before putting it back, I placed it on a gold chain and wrote a note on a tiny scrap of paper, in case anyone should find it, that it was hers, and as such, sacred to me, and to never discard it.

The Infant of Prague medal reminded me of all the patron saints that I prayed to over the years with my grandmother.

In Catholicism, there are over 10,000 patron saints (special protectors and guardians) for all aspects of love, life, health, death, and suffering, and many of them were an integral part of my early upbringing.

I was named after St. Therese, “The Little Flower,” aka St. Therese of Lisieux, known for her simplicity, purity, and courage. While we never really prayed to her, she obviously played a large part in my Catholic persona.

My grandmother had her patron-saint-praying down to a science.

If I wasn’t doing well in school, she prayed to Thomas Aquinas.

If her Caribou, Maine, family had troubles, she beseeched Our Lady of Assumption, who was apparently all in for the French Acadians.

The Holy Mary, Mother of God—the blessed Virgin Mary—was the big kahuna of all her favorite saints, duh. There wasn’t a day that went by that we didn’t pray to her for one thing or another.

If someone was getting engaged or married? It was the perfect time to give thanks to St. Valentine.

If there was a medical emergency, a family fight, or a recent death? She would muster up a prayer to Michael the Archangel. And she prayed to him when we had money trouble as well (which was a lot of the time).

When my dog Raleigh was sick, we prayed to St. Francis of Assisi.

Any time someone was baptized (including me at age five), she gave special thanks to St. John the Baptist. She also “prayed on him” anytime someone took to the water.

And then there was John, the Apostle, not the Baptist. He was her go-to for friendship, loyalty, and if you had burned yourself. Don’t ask me the why about the burn thing, I just know she prayed to him for burns when burns became an unfortunate part of our lives.

When one of her sisters was committed to an insane asylum, we were all relieved because she was an evil nut job. But my grandmother prayed to St. Dymphna, who was the patron saint of mental illness, to keep her sister safe, even though she got what was coming to her. And my grandmother would pray to St. Dymphna when she got “all nerved up.” I only found out years later that Dymphna was also the patron saint of victims of incest. I sometimes wonder if my grandmother knew that.

Speaking of victims, I chose St. Maria Goretti as my patron saint for my Holy Communion. My mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother tried desperately to talk me out of choosing her because she was known as the patron saint for victims of rape. They were mortified at my choice. But, as the patron saint of young women and girls, who had a younger sister named Teresa, I wasn’t changing my mind about Maria Goretti, despite several nuns and Father McHale also trying to talk me out of it. Even at seven, I was extremely headstrong, although I have to admit that the paper I had to write and read aloud to my classmates at St. Ambrose about why I chose St. Maria Goretti was challenging and made the kids squirm.

I think my grandmother’s favorite saint was St. Christopher, because she prayed to him a lot, and for myriad reasons. He was her go-to saint for traveling on short trips, like driving around Bridgeport in a car or on a bus. He was also her saint of record for longer trips, like driving nine hours to Maine, and the one time I traveled with her on a plane to California so she could help out with another nut job sister. Christopher was also the saint she prayed to for all things child-related (good and bad). I’m reasonably sure that St. Christopher had his fill of me from her.

If she knew someone who was a desperado or seemed to be a lost cause, my grandmother would ask St. Jude to help them. Jude was also known for instilling hope in those facing impossible situations, which happened to us quite a bit, so I imagine she called on him way more than some of the others.

And for whatever reason, St. Augustine was the patron saint of Bridgeport, Connecticut. When I looked him up for this blog post to find out why, it said Augustine lived much of his life in impure wickedness and had many dangerous and bad habits, which pretty much summed up a lot of people who lived in Bridgeport at the time.

When my grandmother got “the cancer in her lungs,” we prayed to Raphael the Archangel, who was the patron saint of bodily ills. We prayed to him a lot, but he didn’t save her.

The Infant Jesus of Prague was the patron saint of freedom, who also watched over families and protected their health and their family lives. And if you came into money, the Infant was the one you thanked. People also turned to the Infant seeking healing and relief from suffering. I assume that the Infant was a favorite of my grandmother’s, because of the medal I found. I do recall that once the cancer spread to the rest of my grandmother’s already weakened body, I wrote out the prayer to the Infant of Prague on a piece of paper, which we used to recite every time we were together, in the hopes that the Infant would heal her, but to no avail.

My grandmother died anyway, in excruciating pain, and very young, and was taken from me way too soon. I often think about how different my life might have been, had she lived—even for a few more years.

Without her saintly influence and steadfast faith, I never prayed to a patron saint again, although I suppose one should never say never, for who knows what the future may hold?

Defend, Not Defund the Police

Observe & Ponder

Protecting the men and women who protect us should never be about party politics—it should be about doing what’s right.

Police officers are the backbone of safety in our communities, and they deserve more than empty words or political lip service. They deserve support, respect, and political protection.

And yet it seems that no political party has adequately confronted the needs of police officers, despite their essential role in ensuring community safety.

Our men and women in blue carry loaded weapons, make life and death decisions on a second’s notice, and yet they are unappreciated, underpaid, undervalued, disrespected, and unprotected.

Politicians use support or non-support of the police as a weapon or a sound bite, but at the end of the day, the men and women in blue are victims of our ineffective political system, just like the rest of us.

Many politicians—Democrats, Republicans, and Independents—claim they have the backs of the men and women in blue, but it’s mostly lip service. Their number one goal has little to do with the men and women in blue.

Politicians have one goal, and that’s to get elected. It’s shameful, but it’s reality, which is why we, the people, need to step up and support our men and women in blue and demand more from our politicians.

I recently discovered that many patrol cars have no air conditioning. Imagine wearing an LED vest in 98-degree heat with no air conditioning? As a result, these officers come home with heat rash from head to toe.

And this might seem like a minor point, but many police departments are still working on digitizing all their forms and procedures, so typewriters remain in use.

Having a typewriter available as a system’s backup makes some sense, but not as part of the regular course of police business.

During COVID, while everyone else was quarantining if exposed, NYPD officers were only allowed to take off if they tested positive—even after working side by side with officers who did test positive, and regardless of whether they had a family member at home who was high risk or elderly. As a result, many police households suffered from COVID repeatedly.

Every day, the men and women in blue face the possibility of armed individuals, potential ambushes, exposure to contaminants and hazardous equipment, and the danger of interacting with individuals experiencing severe mental health episodes or substance abuse.

Police officers across the country showed up every single day during the COVID-19 pandemic, while most people were told to stay home and stay safe. They didn’t get hazard pay. They didn’t get a thank you. Instead, they often got vilified.

These officers walked into homes not knowing if someone was contagious at best or armed at worst. They handled riots, unrest, and crime spikes while wearing makeshift PPE and being told they didn’t qualify for time off unless they were actively sick, even when their police partners tested positive.

The situation regarding sick leave during the COVID-19 pandemic also highlights the challenges faced by officers.

According to the New York City Independent Budget Office, regulations surrounding quarantine and sick leave during the pandemic created complexities for public employees. Reports from the time indicate that, in many cases, officers who had been exposed but were asymptomatic were still required to report for duty while awaiting testing or official quarantine orders. This situation was particularly challenging in the early stages of the pandemic when testing and protocols were evolving.

Additionally, police officer suicide rates are sadly significantly higher than the national average, highlighting the severity of the mental health crisis within the profession.

Rising crime statistics underscore the importance of looking beyond political rhetoric and acknowledging the daily challenges and dangers faced by law enforcement officers.

Here are just a few examples of what our police officers have to contend with:

Our men and women in blue investigate sex crimes and handle cases involving child abuse, rape, sexual assault, and other related offenses. They also work closely with social services to support victims of these crimes.

Additionally, they provide investigative support, training, and resources to myriad other agencies and manage the AMBER Alert system for child abductions, regardless of race, sexuality, gender, ethnicity, or immigration status.

Our police investigate crimes that require sensitive handling, such as those involving children, the elderly, or people with disabilities. They frequently receive specialized training in forensic interviewing, crisis intervention, and victim advocacy.

Various states and cities have Hate Crimes Task Forces that work to prevent, investigate, and monitor Hate Crimes and violations of Human Rights Law. Our brave men and women in blue coordinate and collaborate with many law enforcement agencies to combat human trafficking, including child sex trafficking.

According to the United States Department of Justice, human trafficking is the second-largest international criminal industry, second only to the drug trade.

Many police officers focus on cases involving vulnerable or high-risk victims and investigate all types of sexual offenses, including dating violence, domestic violence, and stalking on college campuses, to name a few.

Crime rates in the United States have been exponentially increasing in recent years, and our law enforcement officers are on the front lines of this battle.

Communities throughout the nation are inundated with violent robberies, assaults, murders, and fentanyl overdoses, while an open southern border is only exacerbating this crisis.

Despite these risks and sacrifices, police officers often receive criticism rather than appreciation, with no hazard pay or formal acknowledgement for their efforts during this unprecedented time.

Police officers across the country, who carry loaded weapons and who are entrusted with making critical decisions, deserve consistent support, respect, and tangible improvements in their working conditions, regardless of political affiliations.

It has never been more important to recognize the remarkable courage of our men and women in blue who are on the front lines, standing between lawlessness and order on our streets.

We must show our law enforcement officers our appreciation, respect, and unwavering support, while also recognizing the sacrifices they make every day to ensure our communities are safe.

Our police officers put their lives on the line with courage and determination every time they don their uniforms. Despite the uncertainty that accompanies each shift, they remain committed to their duty of safeguarding us, and they wear their badges with pride.

For far too long, “defund the police” movements and anti-police legislation have resulted in skyrocketing crime across the country and against our brave law enforcement.

In 2023, the number of officers shot in the line of duty was up 52% from 2020. And 2021 was the deadliest year in two decades for our law enforcement officers.

While crime rates are skyrocketing in many communities, some groups are making it more challenging for our officers to do their jobs, and their rhetoric and hate-mongering are resulting in horrible repercussions.

Our communities depend upon law and order. Without it, none of us are safe.

Can My Broken Relationships Due to Anti-Israel Sentiments Ever Be Repaired?

October 7

I was proud of myself for mostly staying out of the anti vs pro-Trump war of words.

I’ll admit that, at the beginning of the Trump era, I unfriended a few people, but only because they had insulted me personally. That was a red line for me.

But regardless of the reason, I now have some regrets, mainly because some of those people were my “real” friends versus Facebook friends.

And yes, I could, or should, go back and try to refriend them, if that’s even a word. But at this point, and at my age, what’s done is done.

BUT the anti-Israel/anti-Jewish/pro-Hamas movement/sentiment is a whole other can of unseemly worms.

I have unfriended countless so-called friends over their anti-Jewish rhetoric. And I have hidden all of the diatribes and unhinged nonsense comparing Trump to Hitler or illegal immigrant housing to gas chambers. Puleeze. Get a grip.

And although I feel slightly regretful (slightly being the operative word)—for jumping into an email exchange between my husband and his college friends, I still stand by my extremely caustic verbiage.

Since I wasn’t included in the email chain, it probably would have been better had I quietly boiled—more like broiled—and then counted to a hundred.

Okay, maybe I would have needed to count to a thousand when words like “slaughter” were used to describe Gazans, and NOT THE INNOCENT MEN, WOMEN, AND CHILDREN RAPED, MUTILATED, AND MURDERED on 10/7/23.

And sorry/not sorry for the bold caps, and…

Note to my husband’s friends and Hamas/Hamas sympathizers:

IF YOU DON’T WANT A WAR WITH ISRAEL, THEN DON’T START A WAR!!!!

And for those of you who know me:

DON’T POKE THE “ME TOO” bear.

So, to answer my own question:

Can My Broken Relationships Due to Anti-Israel Sentiments Ever Be Repaired?

In a not-so-nutty shell:

NO.

I’m happy I said my peace, so there.

And FYI, I will continue to do so.

And if or when I ever see my husband’s “friends” again, I’ll be pleasant, but quietly unforgetting, unforgiving, and irreparably unrepaired.