To feel his arms around me was
as healing as anything I have
ever felt.
He took me by surprise,
when he came behind me
as I sat reading a self-help
book and gently enveloped
me in all of his pubescence.
I held back tears as
my little guy held me
tightly and wrapped me
up in his loving innocence.
Somehow, he felt my sorrow,
and he knew just what to do
to take the pain away.
If I died in that moment,
it would have been the most
beautiful of endings.
The sunset was before me, the airport runway to the left.
The wind blew through my tightly coiffed bun as I drove with the top down in my electric blue Karmann Ghia.
I adored the car, but I hated that it was his absolution payoff.
A recompense ensuring that I would keep my mouth shut.
At twenty, it was the happiest day of my life.
Free from all that weighed me down.
Emancipated. Liberated. Extricated.
Free from him at long last.
First apprehension,
then euphoria.
The one today
is your second
but you were
the first.
A sizable first,
but oh, so
vulnerably
fragile.
The surgeries,
the disquiet,
the…
other things.
It was a lot.
The wound
in my heart
was worth
the flashes
of rhapsody
though.
I’m not sure
what else to say,
so better to say
nothing at all.
That’s all we have left.
Nothing
I knew you were running out of time,
and you knew it, too.
You always knew best.
You always knew everything.
The one who couldn’t read or write.
Your last words were well thought out.
A vision you foretold.
“Stay away from him.”
“He’s no good for you.”
“Walk away.”
Words of wisdom before
they took your lung.
Should have,
could have,
would have.
But I didn’t.
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