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My Stolen Diaries — Chapter 31: Bridgeport Hospital

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CHAPTER 31

 BRIDGEPORT HOSPITAL

September 16, 1966

I’ve been begging Mem to let me stay with her in Bridgeport ever since Mom asked for my permission to marry Rob, which I will never give her.

Mem promised to talk to Mom, but it caused a huge fight when she did. I was standing in the upstairs hallway, eavesdropping. Mere Germaine hadn’t been feeling well for a few days, so she was lying in bed. But I’m sure she heard the whole ugly thing.

First, Mem asked if I would attend Catholic School in Westport, and Mom said, “No, the Junior High School near Rob’s house is one of the best in the country.” I was gunning for Mem when she said, “But Tony wants to go to Notre Dame with her friends.”

“Well, that’s not happening,” Mom said in a raised voice. I thought Mem would blast her for speaking in such a disrespectful tone.

Instead, Mem asked if she could pick me up some weekends and bring me back to Success Park, and Mom said a flat-out “No.” That’s when things turned nasty.

Mem got loud and had a lot to say. “Westport is not for her, and you know it. It’s not bad enough that you’re taking her from me, but now you’re saying she’s not allowed back in Bridgeport? Let her go to Notre Dame with her friends. Let her stay with me during the week.”

Mom tried to interrupt, but Mem got even louder.

“I’ll drive her to you on the weekends. Let’s try to ease her into this thing. Maybe she’ll grow to like it. She can always change schools. She’s thirteen years old. I’m not sure she can handle Westport.”

Mom screamed back at her in response.

“This is not about Tony; this is about you. You want her all for yourself. It doesn’t matter to you that she’ll destroy her chances for a better life because she wants to hang out with her loser friends. She needs to get out of Bridgeport. I’m her mother, and she’s coming with me.”

Mem tried to say more, but Mom stormed out of the apartment. Mom’s decision was final, and I was furious and determined to make her pay.

But I never got the chance for revenge because the next day, Mere Germaine took a turn for the worse and was rushed to the hospital by ambulance.

Every day, the three of us sat at her bedside at Bridgeport Hospital. Mere Germaine was weak, but she was a fighter, and we were all praying she would come home soon.

Then, one night, Mem woke me up, clutching her heart, and told me to get Mom because she couldn’t breathe. Mom called an ambulance, and they took her away — also to Bridgeport Hospital.

Mom was relieved that Mem and Mere Germaine were on different floors, even though they both had heart conditions. We didn’t want to worry Mere Germaine, so we told her that Mem couldn’t visit her because she was busy working.

I know Mere Germaine didn’t believe Mom, and I could see that her anxiety about what might have happened to Mem was taking a terrible toll on her health, which was getting worse by the minute.

On our way to the hospital on September 23,  three days before Mem’s Birthday, I finally convinced Mom to tell Mere Germaine that Mem was in the same hospital. And she promised she would.

When we got to the hospital, we first went to see Mem, and we told her that we had no choice but to let Mere Germaine finally know the truth. She was unhappy about it but too weak to argue.

Then we took the elevator one floor up to see Mere Germaine. I was confused when we got to her room because her bed was empty.

Mom fell to the floor screaming. Then I screamed out for someone to help Mom because I didn’t know what was going on, and I was scared to death.

Mom was rolling around on the floor, writhing in pain, so I jumped on top of her. She grabbed me and held on so tight I thought she would crush me.

“She’s dead, oh my God, she’s dead, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God,” she kept wailing over and over and over again.

And then it was like a knife got shoved into my heart. That’s when I realized why Mere Germaine’s bed was empty. My beautiful, loving, remarkable great-grandmother was dead.

It took a while for the nurse to get us both off the floor. Mom continued to crush me against her, and I have never in all my years seen her so beaten down.

Through tears, Mom asked to see Mere Germaine, but the nurse explained that they had already taken her away.

“Where did they take Mere Germaine?” I repeatedly asked Mom, but she was in no shape to answer me.

When she finally let go of me, she drew in a deep breath, and it was the first time in all my years that I ever saw Mom take charge.

We left the hospital, and she called the Germaine family to let everyone know the horrible news. She called the funeral home and St. Ambrose and made all the arrangements for Mere Germaine’s funeral.

And then she silently took me back to the hospital to visit Mem but never told her that Mere Germaine was dead. She was afraid it would kill her too, which, at the time, it probably would have.

Three days after Mere Germaine died, we buried her — on Mem’s birthday. After the funeral and burial, Mem’s doctor set up a time for him to be in the hospital room with us so Mom could tell her about Mere Germaine.

As soon as we walked into Mem’s room, she wept uncontrollably. Mem said she knew that Mere Germaine was gone from the look on Mom’s face.

The doctor gave her a pill to put under her tongue so her heart wouldn’t stop. I was on one side of Mem’s bed, and Mom was on the other. We laid our heads on her and sobbed uncontrollably while Mem placed a hand on each of us and softly and bravely prayed.

“Dear Lord, with heavy hearts, we place our beloved Jewel St. Germaine in your care. Although her body is gone from us, her soul will live on in eternity. May a choir of angels keep her safe until we meet again. Now and forever, Amen.”

In that moment of tears and prayers, I realized that Mere Germaine had been the glue that held us together.

And just like that, we went from a family of four strong, invincible females to three shattered and broken survivors.

Stay tuned for Chapter 32: From Rags to Riches

My Stolen Diaries – Chapter 23: She’s an Awkward Girl

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CHAPTER 23

SHE’S AN AWKWARD GIRL

January 1966

Since moving to Success Park, Mom was finally treating me like a human being again.

That was until she went to a New Year’s Eve party with Nick and saw Roberto there with another girl. Now we’re right back where we started with Mom accusing me of ruining her life.

It’s been a blessing having Mere Germaine back living with us, and I love Success Park, but I wish Mom would get over Roberto.

I also wish I could see Yolanda and Steve because I miss them like crazy. But Mem says that part of our life is over, so I don’t think I’ll ever see them again.

If I wanted to, I could easily walk to Steve’s Market and Father Panik after school and see both of them, and Mem wouldn’t have a clue.

But if Mem says that part of our life is over, I need to respect her wishes. The last thing I need is for Mem to be mad at me as well.

Nick is still hanging in there, but knowing Mom loves someone else can’t be easy for him. I know she’s trying, but Mom isn’t interested in Nick. And Mom seeing Roberto on New Year’s Eve didn’t help things with Nick at all.

I don’t blame Mom for being mad at me. I’d be mad at me, too. But the way I see it, I’m not sure Mom will ever forgive me. I’m not sure Mom even likes me.

Last night, I heard Mom say to Mem, “She’s an awkward girl.” “She needs to grow into herself, that’s all,” replied Mem.

Telling Mem I’m awkward is Mom’s new thing. Maybe that’s her way of getting back at me, although I know Mom doesn’t think I’m much to look at.

I looked up the word “awkward” in the dictionary, and the definition hurt me badly.

In the wrong direction, lacking skill, turned the wrong way, causing embarrassment—that’s what the dictionary said.

Is that what I am to Mom—an embarrassment? Or is she saying mean things because she’s still mad at me?

I once heard her tell Nick on the telephone that I’m awkward and need help in the looks department. Of course, I don’t know what he said, but it must have been something about me being shy because Mom answered, “No, she’s not shy. Not even close. She’s got a big mouth. You haven’t seen that side of her yet. She’s mouthy, she’s lanky, and she’s awkward.”

My dark, frizzy hair is pretty awful—I’ll be the first to admit it. And my nose is bigger than I would like. And okay, my skin is darker than any of my friends, except for Yolanda, because, of course, her skin is black.

Mem says that as I get older, my nose will fit nicely on my face, but I don’t think I’ll ever grow into myself like she keeps telling me.

Mere Germaine thought she was making me feel better by telling me that I have a “Roman” nose, whatever that means. Yeah, “roamin” all over my face!

Mom’s probably right—I’m awkward. But I still don’t think it’s nice to say hurtful things about me. So, to get even with her, I told Mem about Mom’s conversation with Nick about me being awkward and needing help in the looks department.

I milked it for all it was worth and told Mem I could do nothing about being ugly. I knew she felt sorry for me because she gave me a long, tight hug. Then she reminded me about the ugly duckling.

“The ugly duckling wasn’t a duck at all—it turned out to be a swan—a beautiful, graceful swan. And all the ducks were jealous. You’re a swan, my little Tony. I see it right here in your face—and in those serious dark eyes of yours. And soon enough, everyone will see you as the swan that you are.”

I thought hard about what she said. “What are you thinking, mon petit choux?” Mem asked. “Why doesn’t Mom see that I’m a swan?” I reluctantly asked.

“I see. That’s all that matters,” Mem replied. “Now you wipe those tears away, d’accord?”

Later that night, Mem had a huge fight with Mom about her calling me awkward. Mom was angry that I was snooping on her and Nick. “She’s a tattle tale and a little snitch. That’s what she gets for putting her nose where it doesn’t belong.”

Mem’s mouth was hanging open, but at least Mom didn’t say my big nose!

“You’re her mother, for Christ’s sake,” Mem screamed out. And then she sucked in a great big breath because she had used God’s name in vain. She took her rosary beads from her housedress pocket and ran out of the kitchen and up into our bedroom.

I gave Mem a few minutes, and then I went upstairs, where she was on her knees praying next to our bed. “Holy Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.”

She motioned for me to kneel beside her so we could pray together. Mem prayed out loud and asked God to forgive her for losing her temper.

I prayed silently and asked God to make my nose smaller and turn me into a swan as soon as conveniently possible.

Click here for Chapter 24: He’s Baack!

My Stolen Diaries – Chapter 22: O Holy Night

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CHAPTER 22

O HOLY NIGHT

December 1965

I have never seen Mem so happy and so relaxed. She’s been sewing secret gifts for all of us while playing holiday music nonstop. Her favorite song is O Holy Night by Nat King Cole, and she plays it on our record player over and over and over again.

Mem says that after what Adam did for us, the song has even more meaning to her than before.

Her favorite part of the song is:

♪ ♪ A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices. For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn. Fall on your knees, oh hear the angel voices. ♪ ♪

Life has indeed been glorious since moving to Success Park. Mere Germaine and Mom share a room with twin beds, and I sleep with Mem in the bed Adam gave us.

Mem says that Adam was our guardian angel and our Christmas miracle, and we all agree.

Speaking of miracles, surviving seven years of St. Ambrose Catholic School is also a miracle because all the nuns except Sister Regina Mary are beastly and mean!

Mom says it’s because they never “get any” and calls them frustrated old bitties, but only when Mem and Mere Germaine aren’t around.

When I ask Mom what the nuns never get, she tells me I’m too young to understand.

I used to think it was sacrilegious for her to say bad things about the nuns, but now I agree. The nuns have a terrifying way of humiliating us girls.

They put their fingers together in a point and pound them into the top of our heads. Ouch is right. The constant digging of their fingers into our skulls can’t be good for us.

The boys have it worse, though. The Sisters grab both their ears and yank them hard, causing their heads to bobble back and forth, which I’m sure rattles up their brains.

They also torture us in other ways, like stalking and roaming around with a wood pointer and whacking it on our hands whenever they feel like it.

Once, when Mother Superior caught me chewing gum, she made me walk around with it stuck on my nose all day, including recess, which was tricky because it kept falling off. By the time school was out, the wad of gum was filthy and speckled with who knows what.

Another time, she read a note I sent to my best school friend Vicki about a boy I had a crush on—over the load speaker to the entire school!

The good news, though, is that I am still one of the most popular girls in my class, and now that we don’t live on White Street, things have never been better.

However, there is some bad news—my friends are still not allowed to come to our apartment because I’m still from a broken family.

But at least I don’t feel ashamed of where I live, just sorry that people think my life with Mem, Mom, and Mere Germaine is broken.

Click here for Chapter 23: She’s an Awkward Girl

My Stolen Diaries – Chapter 21: Building 55, Success Park

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CHAPTER 21

BUILDING 55, SUCCESS PARK

October 1965

Two weeks after the meeting with Adam’s lawyer, Mem got a big fat check and the keys to his car.

Soon after, Mem put a down payment on a two-bedroom unit in Success Park, which is in Bridgeport but closer to the Stratford side, which Mem says is the safer section of town.

It’s no surprise that Mom disagrees with Mem and says there is nothing safe about Bridgeport, mainly because she despises everything about it. And she’s still blaming me for ruining her chances of getting out of Bridgeport for good.

According to Mom, Success Park is a housing complex that the U.S. Government built to accommodate the massive number of workers coming to Bridgeport in hopes of getting good-paying jobs during the war effort.

Success Park sounds to me like it’s mostly for low-income working-class people like Mem and Mom, and lucky for us, it’s far from any bullet-flying, street-knifing areas like Father Panik and a huge step up from White Street.

Mem agrees that the people who live in Success Park are a lot like her — hard-working, honest, decent people who struggle to make ends meet and, most importantly, are devout church-going people.

Success Park sounds like everything Mem has ever wished for, but the best part for me is that Mere Germaine is moving back in with us.

Adam left us his furniture, dishes, and Frigidaire, so Mem says he not only saved us financially but also set us up with everything we needed to live our best lives.

I’m happy Adam saved us, but Mem treats him like a saint, so now I know she’ll never get back with Steve. It seems to me that Mem is in love with a dead man, and nobody can ever live up to that — not even Steve.

Mom is relieved that we are getting out of our rat trap White Street apartment and moving to Success Park, but she still thinks we deserve better and need to get out of Bridgeport to make a name for ourselves. I hate that she always says “we” because I don’t know who “we” is, and I don’t want to be part of her dream. I have dreams of my own.

Mom always says she wants money, a rich husband, famous friends, a beautiful house, and everything else wealth brings. No one can disagree that Success Park is way better than White Street, but it’s not even close to the rich and famous stuff Mom keeps wishing for.

Mom’s definition of making a name for herself is marrying someone rich, but that’s not how I plan to make a name for myself. I have no plans to marry someone rich because Mem always tells me I can only depend on one person and one person only for what I need — that person being me, myself, and I. But now, I’m not sure she’s right because Adam turned out to be a very dependable person to Mem.

Now that I’m the proud owner of a beautiful piano, I would love to be a famous pianist and travel the world playing my music, but Mem says I need to learn how to play the piano first.

Roberto is still not talking to Mom, and she told Mem she’s worried that he won’t be able to find her once we move and change our phone number. Mem answered that if Roberto wanted to find her, he’d figure out a way. Otherwise, it’s his loss and too bad for him. I keep my Roberto thoughts to myself, but I pray to God every night that he never finds her.

Our moving day was exciting but also really sad. I took my chances and ran through the Panik to say goodbye to Yolanda. We both cried our eyes out because we knew we would never see each other again. Yolanda convinced me to stop by Steve’s Market to say goodbye. I didn’t want to go alone, so Yolanda went with me.

As soon as Steve saw me, I could tell he was happy but also unhappy. I hugged him and told him we were moving, but he already knew. I told him I would never forget him and thanked him for teaching me all about meat, which made him smile.

Then Steve said that he expects to read about me in the papers because he’s sure I will do great things and to always believe in myself. I could see Steve getting misty-eyed, especially when Yolanda told us we were the only white people she ever loved.

I hugged Steve again, and he whispered in my ear to run off and have a beautiful life. I squeezed them both one last time and then ran back to White Street, bawling but excited.

Mem drove Mom to Success Park in Adam’s car, and Mere Germaine, Rib, and I went with the moving guy in his truck. Poor Rib threw up brown bits all over my shirt and pants.

When we pulled up to the parking lot in front of Building 55, a bunch of kids were playing in a cement lot next to it. They all stopped what they were doing to watch us get out of the truck. I felt like a movie star with all their staring, although I hoped they couldn’t see the chunks of Rib’s vomit dripping down the front of me.

Building 55 was a brick two-story townhouse with ten units attached in one long row. As we walked up to the front door, there was a tiny fenced-in patch of yard that I let Rib run around in.

When we opened the front door, the apartment was sunny and smelled of fresh paint. The kitchen and living room were one giant room with a patterned wood floor, which Mom said was parquet.

Adam’s piano will surely take up half the living room, but Mem said it would serve as a constant reminder that Adam saved us.

We now have a front and back yard with our very own clothesline. The yards are postage stamp size, but they belong to us. And both the front and rear doors open properly, so we finally have two ways to escape in an emergency.

Mem is thrilled that we don’t have to share a clothesline with our neighbors any longer, but she is worried about who will mow the front and back lawns since we never had grass before.

There are two bedrooms and a bath upstairs, and the whole place is spick and span. The best part about our new home is no bugs, rodents, peeling paint, or moldy walls. And each bedroom has a door, which we didn’t have on White Street, although Mem says there’s no good reason to close them. Since I never had a bedroom door before, I disagree with Mem and can’t wait to close it for privacy, although I have to sleep in a bed with her. Mom and Mere Germaine will share the other bedroom and are lucky to have twin beds.

Mom might have dreams of leaving Bridgeport, but I would consider myself the luckiest girl in the world if I could spend the rest of my life in Building 55, Success Park.

Click here for Chapter 22: O Holy Night