The Teri Tome – My 2019 Hits and Misses

I launched my blog The Teri Tome on March 18, 2015, and for those of you who are regular readers, you know that the things I write about run the gamut from personal to political to fiction and anything in between.

And even though The Teri Tome is almost five years old, the angst over whether to click “POST” and shoot my writings through cyberspace has never diminished.

I was recently asked by a friend to sum up 2019 in one word, and my first thought was: POST.

Of all the words I could have come up with, POST was what came to mind.

I guess because everything I do these days always comes back to:

“I’m so going to post a blog about this…”

Whether it be the mundane, the insane, the ridiculous, the heartbreak…

I can’t stop posting. Even when I know it’s not in my best interest.

Every Sunday, I go to the backend of my blog and check out my page views by post for the week.

And it never fails, that I am always shocked at the results.

The posts I hope will be a “Hit” are usually not.

Don’t get me wrong, I always go into my writing frenzy, with the thought in mind that whatever I write will in all probability be a miss.

It’s the only way I can go through the exhausting routine without getting my hopes up that people will like my work, and then being disappointed.

Hit or miss, I write anyway.

And I’m not trying to cry a river but writing a blog post takes a ton of time and energy.

Particularly the posts that are not in my best interest. Those are the most challenging and difficult to write. They take added effort and stamina, but they mostly take courage and a grueling mental toll.

So today being Sunday, I checked out the hits and misses, not only for the week but for all of 2019.

At the end of last year, I put together the Top Hits and Duds of 2018, which included the best and worst of all Teri Tome time (2015-2018).

For 2019, I thought I would change it up a bit.

I wrote 36 blog posts in 2019, so I decided to highlight the top two hits and the number one miss.

And since I took the time and effort today to analyze my best and worst posts of all time (2015-2019), I might as well share the top two hits so that today’s analysis wasn’t a complete waste.

The 36 posts I wrote in 2019 generated over 140,000 page views, which I suppose is okay.

I say okay, because in 2018, I only wrote 18 posts and had close to the same number of page views, so for 2019, double the posts did not equate to double the views. Not even close.

Oh well, let’s hope for better results in 2020.

I’ll start with the worst miss of 2019:

#1 MISS 


MY STOLEN DIARIES: A NOVELOG: Okay, to be fair, I only wrote this blog post one week ago, so it will take some time for it to work its way through the internet. And I’ve only blogged one chapter so far! I am so hoping that this post does well for the main reason that it is excerpted from a novel I have been writing — for like a gazillion years. Plus, I invented the word NOVELOG to describe my novel-in-a-blog, and I am hoping it sticks as a solid description for writers out there who are looking for a word to describe their efforts to blog their novels. #NOVELOG

And now for my top two 2019 posts:

#1 HIT

U.S. SENATE SEATS UP FOR REELECTION IN 2020: I was super happy that this blog post was the 2019 top post. First, because people should care about which Senators are up for reelection in 2020, and second, because this post took hours upon hours, and then more hours to pull together. So thanks to my readers for giving back!

#2 HIT

TURKISH SOLDIERS DROVE MY GRANDPARENTS OUT OF SYRIA IN 1920: I was thrilled to see this post hit the number two spot because anyone who has had to suffer at the hands of murdering dictators deserves to get the sympathy and recognition they deserve. Plus, I am so sick of Turkey getting away with their denials and lies about what they did to the Christians during the Armenian Genocide.       

B.O.A.T. (BEST OF ALL TIME)

#1 HIT OF 2015-2019

BULLIES ARE COWARDS AND WHY I REFUSE TO TURN THE OTHER CHEEK: Year after year, this post continues to outperform all the others, and to date, has garnered over 500,000 page views. And year after year I’m thankful for the blog traffic, but the fact that “bullies” is my number one keyword says volumes about the character of our world. And as history has shown us there are way too many psychopathic bullies out there. And from my own personal experiences, someone with a psychopathic personality disorder will always display some sort of mental disorder topped off by a narcissistic disorder. As far as I’m concerned, all three disorders are little more than a convenient label for crackpots and social deviants who over-estimate and exaggerate their abilities, status, intelligence, and looks.

#2 HIT OF 2015-2019 

MY SUN PHOBIA—JUST CALL ME DRACULESS: Ironically, my number two Teri Tome post of all time also features a mental disorder, this one born from anxiety and fear. To date, the page views for this post has exceeded the 400,000 mark. And since this post is about me, I will confess that through therapy I long ago discovered that my phobia was indeed triggered by an unfortunate event although my trigger had nothing to do with the sun. I’ll leave the full explanation for a future blog post.

In reviewing my 2019 hits and misses, as well as my top two posts of all Teri Tome time, I’m at peace with the results.

And I’m prideful that I continue to push myself to put it all out there, and okay, I have some regrets.

But what I don’t regret is when I am long gone, there will be no doubt about who I was, or what I felt, or where I loved, or why I feared.

Because, the who, what, when, why and where of Teri will be present in each and every post, regardless of whether they hit or miss.

Happy New Year to my loyal readers. I wish for you a 2020 that will turn many of your hopes and dreams into reality.

Rockabye My Little Man

I don’t know about you, but the Christmas season always gets me thinking about;

well, everything.

Okay, I know what many of you want to ask me: Aren’t you Jewish?

I am Jewish, but if you are a regular reader of my blog, you also know that I was born Greek Orthodox, baptized Catholic at six years old, and then converted to Judaism at 31.

I’ve been here there and everywhere when it comes to God.

And listen: you can take the girl out of the religion, but you can’t take the religion out of the girl.

As a result, countless Christmas lyrics get to me every time.

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…Strings of street lights, even stoplights…I have no gift to bring that’s fit to give our king…Fall on your knees, oh hear the angels’ voices…

TISSUES!

Last night, driving into town, I heard a song on the radio, and the words stunned and stung a little.

Okay, they stung a lot.

Now, Aaliyah Palmen’s song had zero to do with Christmas, but with the holiday lights twinkling, and the snow on the ground, and shoppers hustling and bustling, and those heart-wrenching words…

I felt the song speaking to me, so I pulled the car over and googled the lyrics:

Call it love and devotion
Call it the mom’s adoration
A special bond of creation
For all the single mums out there
Going through frustration
sing, make them hear

She’s gonna stress
She just wants a life for her baby
All on her own, no one will come
She’s got to save him

She tells him “ooh love”
No one’s ever gonna hurt you, love
I’m gonna give you all of my love
Nobody matters like you

She tells him “your life ain’t gonna be nothing like my life
You’re gonna grow and have a good life
I’m gonna do what I’ve got to do

Single mom what you doing out there?
Facing the hard life without no fear
Just see and know that you really care
‘Cause any obstacle come you well prepared
And no mamma you never shed a tear
‘Cause you have to set things year after year
And you give the youth love beyond compare
You find the school fee and the bus fare
Hmmm more when paps disappear

Now she gotta six year old
Trying to keep him warm
Trying to keep out all the cold
When he looks her in the eyes
He don’t know he’s safe when she says

So, rockabye baby, rockabye
I’m gonna rock you

Rockabye baby, don’t you cry
Somebody’s got you

Rockabye don’t bother to cry
Lift up your head, lift it up to the sky,

Rockabye don’t bother to cry
Angels around you, just joy in your eye


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D20cKBLp2QY

Armenian Holocaust Survivor Aurora Mardiganian

I will warn you now that if you are faint of heart, do not read this blog.

And it’s long, but I didn’t even try to shorten it.

The story is too remarkable to whittle down, so this blog post is how I will honor Christmas this year.

Skim it if you must, but I am hoping you will not.

And at the end of this blog post is a YouTube video I hope you take the time to watch.

On October 21, 2019, I wrote a blog post about how, during the Armenian Holocaust, the Turks drove my paternal grandparents out of Syria.

During that harrowing time in my grandparents’ young lives, millions of Armenians, Assyrians, and members of other non-Muslim minorities were deported, starved, raped, kidnapped, and slaughtered.

I had no idea that my post about my Syrian grandparents would be read by so many thousands of people.

To be honest, I didn’t think anyone would care at all about what happened to them.

To my readers: Thank you for caring.

While working on the blog post, I discovered and ordered a book about the Armenian Holocaust written by a 16-year-old survivor, Aurora Mardiganian.

First things first.

Turkey continues to deny what historians have called the first genocide of the 20th century, and in Turkey, it is an actual crime to “insult Turkishness” by even raising the issue of what happened to the Armenians.

And the Trump administration backed Turkey up, arguing that if the U.S. ever recognized the Armenian genocide as a matter of foreign policy, such a resolution would damage the United States-Turkey relationship.

To be fair, many past administrations have disappointedly backed Turkey up.

On Thursday, December 12, 2019, the Senate, for the first time, voted unanimously to formally designate the 1915 mass killings of an estimated 1.5 million Armenians at the hands of the Ottoman Empire as a genocide.

Of the nearly 1.5 million Armenians killed, some were massacred, and others were forced to march to the Syrian desert where they were left to starve to death.

And then there were the women and little girls who suffered unimaginable violations, sold into Turkish harems, ravished by the roadside, crucified, and so much worse.

One of those young girls was Aurora Mardiganian, and her story will chill you to the bone.

Aurora, born Arshaluys Mardiganian, in 1901, was the daughter of a prosperous Armenian family who lived in Ottoman Turkey, twenty miles north of Harput, a few miles east of the river Euphrates. The Turkish residents and the Armenians had been good neighbors.

That was until 1914, when at fourteen years old, she witnessed the deaths of her entire family, including watching as Turkish soldiers ripped open her pregnant aunt’s stomach with their bayonets, and trying in vain to save her older sister who was murdered as she resisted being raped. She was later forced to watch as her mother, and remaining siblings were whipped and stabbed to death.

Aurora, who was forced to march over 1,400 miles, was brutally raped, beaten, kidnapped, and sold into the slave markets of Anatolia.

Three years into her nightmare, she miraculously escaped, roaming through a region of nothing but desert, where she encountered many acts of kindness from the Dersim Kurds whom she described as people “without the lust of killing human beings…” and to them “she owed her life.”

After months of wandering through the desert, Aurora finally reached the Turkish city of Erzeroum, which was by then occupied by Russia. In her book, she recalled her arrival there and being greeted by “a beautiful sight—the American flag.”

She then made her way to Tiflis, which is now Tbilisi, Georgia, then to St. Petersburg. From there, she traveled to Oslo, and finally, with the assistance of an organization called the Near East Relief, she made safe passage to New York City and arrived at Ellis Island in 1917.

Soon after she arrived In New York, Aurora was approached by a young screenwriter named Harvey Gates, and he helped the then sixteen-year-old orphan write and then publish her memoir titled Ravished Armenia.

According to Gates, her work on the book was exhausting: “Sometimes there had to be intervals of rest of several days because her suffering had so unnerved her…You who read the story of Aurora Mardiganian’s last three years will find it hard to believe that in our day and generation such things are possible.”

Back in 1917, Gates found the Armenian Holocaust hard to imagine. But history has taught us that “such things” happen every day.

This is Aurora’s dedication from the book:

“To each mother and father, in this beautiful land of the United States, who has taught a daughter to believe in God, I dedicate my book. I saw my own mother’s body, its life ebbed out, flung onto the desert because she taught me that Jesus Christ was my Saviour. I saw my father die in pain because he said to me, his little girl, ‘Trust in the Lord; His will be done.’ I saw thousands upon thousands of beloved daughters of gentle mothers die under the whip, or the knife, or from the torture of hunger and thirst, or carried away into slavery because they would not renounce the glorious crown of their Christianity. God saved me that I might bring to America a message from those of my people who are left, and every father and mother will understand that what I tell you in these pages is told with love and thankfulness to Him for my escape.”

In 1919, the book was made into a silent film with the same title.

Referred to in the press as the Joan of Arc of Armenia, Aurora heroically played herself in the film. And the then Ambassador Henry Morgenthau played himself as the American Ambassador to Turkey.

As a survivor and eyewitness of the Armenian Holocaust, Aurora’s memoir heartbreakingly recalls the brutality, ugliness, and horror of genocide, and what occurred to the young girls and women as a result of male dominance, their sick sexual desires, and their inhumanity and hatred for Christians.

In one section of the book, Aurora witnesses sixteen young Armenian girls being crucified “on rough wooden crosses” by their Ottoman tormentors.

The film depicted the victims nailed to crosses, but in 1989, seventy years after the film was produced, Aurora confessed to the film historian Anthony Slide, that the scene was inaccurate. She painfully went on to describe what was actually vaginal impalement.

She stated that “The Turks made little pointed crosses. They took the clothes off the girls. They made them bend down, and after raping them, they made them sit on the pointed wood.

The book depicts the cruelty of the Turks, but they weren’t the only ones with blood on their hands.

They allowed and orchestrated others to join in: The Chechens, the Kurds, and the Germans.

According to Aurora, all of the evil and wickedness perpetrated by the “bandits of the desert” was inspired by “their Turkish masters.”  

She describes the Chechens as being more cruel and wicked than the Kurds and that during the massacres, the Turks gave them permission to steal as many Christian girls as they wished.

There was a section of Mardiganian’s book describing “The Game of Swords” played by the Chechens after they tired of raping the young women.

“They planted their swords, which were the long, slender-bladed swords that came from Germany, in a long row in the sand, so the sharp-pointed blades rose out of the ground as high as would be a very small child. When we saw these preparations all of us knew what was going to happen… Already I was trembling with sickness of heart because of the awful night before and the things I had seen that morning when daylight came. The other women beside me were trembling, too, and felt as if they would rather die than see any more. We begged our Tchetchens to take us away—to take us where we could not look upon those sword blades—but they only laughed at us and told us we must watch and be thankful to them we were under their protection.

When the long row of swords had been placed the Tchetchens hurried back to the little band of Armenians. We saw them crowd among them, and then come away carrying, or dragging, all the young women who were left—maybe fifteen or twenty—I could not count them.

Each girl was forced to stand with a dismounted Tchetchen holding her on her feet, half way between two swords in the long row. The captives cried and begged, but the cruel bandits were heedless of their pleadings.

When the girls had been placed… one between each two sword blades, the remaining Tchetchens mounted their horses and gathered at the end of the line. At a shouted signal the first one galloped down the row of swords. He seized a girl, lifted her high in the air and flung her down upon a sword point, without slackening his horse. It was a game—a contest!

Each Tchetchen tried to seize as many girls as he could and fling them upon the sword points, so that they were killed in the one throw, in one gallop along the line. Only the most skillful of them succeeded in impaling more than one girl. Some lifted the second from the ground, but missed the sword in their speed, and the girl, with broken bones or bleeding wounds, was held up in the line again to be used in the “game” a second time—praying that this time the Tchetchen’s aim would be true and the sword put an end to her torture.

Another section of the book describes the sick cruelty of the Kurds as told to Aurora by Margarid, the wife of a pastor about the rape and murder of her six daughters, including her oldest daughter Sherin, who was fourteen:

“There were a thousand of us,” Margarid said when we had brought her out of the stupor of grief which had overcome her… The first night Kurdish bandits rode down upon us… They stripped all the women and children — even the littlest ones… They took all the pretty girls and violated them before our eyes… When we left the Kurds and [Turkish] soldiers who were tired of the girls were killing them. …the soldiers killed my little ones by mashing their heads together. They violated Sherin while they held me and then cut off her breasts, so that she died.”

Aurora wrote much about the cruelty of the German soldiers and how they armed and taught the Turks how to use machine guns. The Germans would lead the Turkish soldiers personally and helped to raid and machine gun Armenian houses.

There is one particularly disturbing section of the book that describes the evil of the German soldiers:

“Late in the afternoon the chief of our Tchetchens came out from the city. His men drew off to one side and talked with him excitedly. When it grew dark they lifted us upon their horses and carried us into the city through the south gate. At the gate the Tchetchen chief showed to the officers of the gendarmes a paper he had brought from the city, and the Tchetchens were permitted to enter. We passed through dark narrow streets until we came to a house terraced high above the others, with an iron gate leading into a courtyard off the street. A hammal, or Turkish porter, was waiting at the gate and swung it open.

The bandits dismounted outside the gate to the house and lifted us to the ground. The leader waved us inside. With half a dozen of his men he entered behind us and the gate closed. Some of the Tchetchens went into the house. In a few minutes they came out, followed by a foreign man, whose uniform I recognized as that of a German soldier.

Servants followed with lighted lamps, and the soldier looked into our faces and examined us shamefully. Only eight of the girls pleased him. I was among these. We were pushed into the house and the door was closed behind us. Then we heard the Tchetchens gather up the other girls and take them into the street. I do not know what became of them. The soldier and the servants, all of whom were foreigners, whom I afterward discovered were Germans, took us into a stone floored room which had been used as a stable for horses.

It must have been two or three hours afterward—after midnight, I think; we could not keep track of the time—when the soldier and the servants came for us. Before they took us from the stable room they took away what few clothes we had. They led us, afraid and ashamed, into a room where there were three men in the uniforms of German officers. The soldiers saluted them. The officers seemed very pleased when they had looked at us. We tried to cover ourselves with our arms and to hide behind each other, but the soldier roughly drew us apart. The officers laughed at our embarrassment, and then dismissed the soldier, saying something to him in German, which I did not understand.

The officers talked among themselves, also in German. They tried to caress us. It amused them greatly when we pleaded with them to spare us, to let us have clothes and to have mercy, in God’s name.

Almost two weeks I was a prisoner in this house… To this house were brought many pretty Armenian girls stolen by the Kurds and Tchetchens. When they tired of them they sent them away to the refugee camps outside the city or to be sold to Turks.

There was another girl, who had been a prisoner in the house longer than others—since before I was taken there. She had especially pleased one of the under-officers. She told me of one night when the officers had taken much of their whiskey and were particularly cruel. She said they sent for some of the girls then in the house and, standing them sideways, shot at them with their pistols, using their breasts as targets.

During the days I spent reading Aurora’s book, it was difficult to sleep at night. I would lay awake and ask myself if I could have survived. I honestly don’t think so.

With every word I read, it was unfathomable how one young girl could have witnessed and experienced so much brutality, so much grief, and still come out on the other side.

And yet through all of the torture, the misery, the agony, hope and faith endured.

In Aurora’s words: “But always there was hope of deliverance. So many Armenians had friends in America, sons and brothers who had left our country to go to the wonderful United States. They prayed every night that from America would come help before all were dead… It was this hope that kept thousands alive.”  

Aurora ultimately married a fellow survivor in 1929, had a son and lived in Los Angeles until her death.

In 1994, Aurora spent the last few weeks of her life at a nursing facility in the San Fernando Valley. On February 6, 1994, she died alone at Holy Cross Hospital at age 92. At the time of her death, she was estranged from her son. Her body went unclaimed, and she was cremated and buried anonymously in a mass grave somewhere in Los Angeles.

Aurora is long gone, but I sincerely hope that she will never be forgotten.

Her life and legacy highlight the importance of action over apathy and compassion over indifference.

Like many films made during the silent era, Ravished Armenia was lost.

There are some who say that that the disappearance of the film was the result of a Turkish conspiracy.

All that is known to be left of the film is 18 minutes of poorly preserved footage, which was discovered in a trash bin.

Please watch the film footage, and in honor of Aurora, never forget.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTnCaW-Uo_s

Thanksgiving Dinner with My Deceased Grandmother


I know what you’re thinking. MORBID!

But I don’t feel morbid at all.

I feel excitement.

I’m looking forward to spending Thanksgiving with my grandmother.

The big day is almost upon me, and I’m excited about sharing it with a lot of the people I love the most and who will help to make my Thanksgiving special, including my deceased grandmother Mammy (MayMe).

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know that my grandmother was the matriarch and head honcho of my family of four women, which consisted of Grammy Nadeau (my great-grandmother), Mammy, Mommy, and me.

Now that I have finally published my second book, The Day It Snowed Popcorn; I’ve started on my third, a cookbook titled Tu Me Manques.

When I first thought about what the title of my cookbook would be, Tu Me Manques was the name that kept churning around in my head over and over again.

There was another possible title that kept creeping into my psyche as well: Mon Petit Chou.

Mon Petit Chou was my grandmother’s pet name for me, which means “My Little Cabbage.”

As a kid, I wasn’t thrilled about being compared to a gassy vegetable, but Mammy said it with such affection that I begrudgingly grew to accept her quirky nickname for me.

Now, I revere the pet name and wish I could hear her say it to me one last time.

While it became a choice between the two titles, Tu Me Manques seemed to be the most fitting name for my book of Mammy’s recipes.

This deeper connotation perfectly sums up my sentiment about Mammy.

Sorry if this tu me manques business is going on too long.

But I’m not sorry that I found the phrase.

Because it almost makes my grief explainable. I’m almost able to put the pain and loss of Mammy into words.

Whatever the translation, the title Tu Me Manques is a done deal.

I was once asked what I would like to have as my last meal, and my quick reply was:

Anything made by Mammy.

Trying to recreate the foods my grandmother cooked is to celebrate her and to forever preserve her memory through the taste and smell of her recipes.

Mammy served up lots of kisses, lots of good advice with a constant side of delicious and comforting food.

My daughter Ariel once asked me if I had any recipes handwritten by Mammy.

Unfortunately, the answer is no.

French was Mammy’s first language, and she was just fifteen when her father was rendered a vegetable from a traumatic brain injury.

As a result, she was pulled out of school to help work the farm and take care of her younger siblings. She was one of ten kids; one died at birth.

Mammy was barely able to read or write in English, so I have nothing left of her handwriting at all.

I once had a birthday card, but during an unfortunate time in my life, it went missing.

Mammy wasn’t literate, but she was one hell of a cooker.

Unfortunately, her recipes were all in her head and never written down, except by me over the years.

When my grandmother died in 1983, so did all of her recipes.

I have spent the better part of the last 36 years trying to recreate them.

So today, when I sat down to plan out my Thanksgiving dinner, Tue Me Manques, was what I wrote down.

What better time to start testing my memory of Mammy’s holiday foods, than a Thanksgiving gathering when family heirloom recipes are traditionally in abundance?

And as I chop and mix and bake, I’m sure I’ll give thanks to Mammy for believing in me and loving me the biggest and the best of anyone ever.

I spent a lifetime doubting myself, but I never doubted her love for me.

But mostly, I will thank her for the cherished memory of a woman who was broken time and time again, tested in ways that still bring me to tears.

And yet, she pulled herself up, stood tall (even though she was only a little over 5 feet), and always walked with dignity and pride.

And I will also thank her for the precious space she holds in my heart that’s filled with lessons taught of empathy and strength and resilience.

As I prepare Thanksgiving dinner this year, I know Mammy will be in the house.

And while I cook away, I’ll imagine Mammy at my side, guiding me along.

“Not so much of this. A little more of that. Don’t forget to taste everything.”

And I will fondly recall how we stood side by side, back in a time that is becoming harder and harder to remember, mixing and mashing, while my Mammy would tell me stories of young love and yesterdays, sprinkled with her unforgettable giggle, a twinkle in her beautiful eyes and just a hint of regret.

Happy Thanksgiving, Mammy.

Tu me manques, mon petit chou.