Monthly Archives: October 2017


I’ve been losing a ton of sleep over the Harvey Weinstein thing for a couple of weeks now.

Here’s the internal struggle.

Do I have the courage to share what’s in my tormented head?

Or not.

Putting this blog post together has been one of the most heart-wrenching and challenging things I’ve ever done.

And I’m not exaggerating.

Back and forth and forth and back. What should I say? How far should I go?

There were “things” I furiously typed out, but then fear took hold, and a flurry of backspaces wiped them all out.

I put the post aside for a while, tried to work, make like I was okay.

Even though I wasn’t.

And then I tried to write about it again. And again.

Save, delete, save, delete. Backspace. Take a break.

Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram have been flooded with tragic messages from women using #MeToo to acknowledge that they have been a victim.

The victimizing runs the gamut: Unwanted physical contact, lewd come-ons, catcalls, leers, nasty comments, inappropriate flirting, sexual harassment, molestation, abuse, assault, rape.

A plethora of unseemliness.

Reading through thousands of messages has shaken me to the core but also given me courage.

I’ve been terrified to admit that I’m a Me Too.

But there, I said it.

And people knew. “People” who were supposed to protect me.

They said things like:

“Are you still talking about this?”

I’ve been “talking about this” for my entire adult life.


“I think you’re confused.”

They know the truth. They know I’m not confused.

They chose to turn a blind eye, and make excuses, even when my abuser admitted it:

“That’s the way I was back then.”

The family member I trusted the most told me to “get over it.”

Unless you’ve been in “it” you can’t know how it scars and damages who you are.

You don’t think I want to get over it?

To be honest, as hard as this post has been to write, I’ve been writing it for most of my life.

Reams of words in all forms and formats written over decades and then carefully hidden away. I was never looking to reveal. I was looking to write it out of me.

With all this “Me Too” sharing, I felt like maybe, just maybe, I could finally exorcise it.

But it’s always been about protecting others, and not wanting to hurt anyone. And I don’t want to be judged, which is why I have always been so torn apart.

And yet, If I don’t speak up now, when will I?

So here it is.

A harrowing, heartbreaking, unforgivable, and unforgettable series of childhood “events” ruined my chances at any sort of Ozzie-and-Harriett life.

The memories and the continuing flashbacks are deeply and profoundly humiliating and searingly painful.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to get into the gory details.

But I will say that too early on I learned the hard way, that the world is a dangerous place to live.

Albert Einstein is quoted as saying: The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.

I live in a world in which I’m always on the lookout for weirdos.

They’re everywhere: On the streets, at work, on trains, subways, buses, airplanes.

And they run the gamut: Creepy construction workers, egotistical CEOs,  perverted professionals, sloppy drunk guys.

Too close, too touchy-feely, too familiar. Too everything.

Too damn much.

I might sound paranoid, but unsafe is everywhere.

You have your Hollywood, publishing, modeling, banking, advertising, government, and beauty pageant bigwigs…

…in places like restaurants, hotels, offices, schools, churches, daycare centers, and even home sweet home.

The list of suspects and unsafe locales is endless because abuse lurks everywhere.

“You know you want it.”

The careful mental calculations I drum up on a daily basis are exhausting. No matter where I go or what I do, I’m always on high alert.

Getting in and out of my car, walking down a quiet street, or an empty hotel corridor, getting into an elevator, choosing a seat at a bar, taking a cab or an Uber, or having service workers in my home.

The paranoia and possible bad choices are endless, exhausting, and heartbreakingly draining.

A psychologist once told me that children who have been physically or sexually abused often end up sabotaging their lives.

They are their own worst enemy because as children their little brains were overloaded with fear and stress hormones. So they tend to live out their lives in fight or flight mode.

Fight it out or flight it out. That’s me.

I’m done writing about “Me Too” for now.

One day I hope to say what I really want to say.

But not today.

Republicans Want to Lower Caps for 401(k)’s

The Republicans are back at it again. The ruthless party that keeps on screwing with everybody—except their uber-rich donors and cronies. Oh and of course, themselves.

This time they’re trying to slam the door on those of us who have been responsibly saving for our retirement through our 401(k)’s.

How? House Republicans are shamefully considering capping the annual amount hard working Americans can set aside for their future to as low as $2,400 for 401(k) accounts!

A paltry $2,400? What a bunch of crooks.

Now many of you Republicans out there will find some lame excuse for this greedy plan. You always do.

But there is no denying that the Republicans are actively and seriously discussing a proposal to sharply reduce the annual amount workers can set aside and save in tax-deferred retirement accounts.

Today, workers can put up to $18,000 a year in a 401(k) account without paying taxes upfront. If you’re over 50, the cap is increased to $24,000.

But if the Republicans get their way, our ability to save for our retirement will be taken away from us.

Now the Republicans are trying to control how much money we can save for our futures?


DUH. Republicans need it to offset the revenue loss from having to reduce business tax rates.

You know, take whatever you can from us hardworking slobs so you can give it to your wealthy donors who are breathing down your slimy necks for you to SHOW THEM THE MONEY—or else.

Paul Ryan’s so-called path to prosperity for all looks more like Paul Ryan’s path to middle class poverty.

Reducing American’s contribution limits is a diabolically clever accounting maneuver, no?

By lowering the cap for 401(k)’s, Republicans can collect tax revenue on all that money that Americans could otherwise be saving tax-deferred, NOW, instead of later.

WOW. Is there no limit to the lengths that Republicans will go to line the pockets of their rich friends—and themselves?

Oh, and one more maddening tidbit of information: The Congressional Joint Committee on Taxation estimates that tax exclusions for individual retirement contributions will cost the federal government $115 billion in 2018 alone!

Republicans are frothing at the mouth for that money.

Cha-Ching. Cha-Ching.

I don’t know how you feel, but 2018 elections can’t come quickly enough for me.