Why Bullies Trigger Me

I am continually asking myself:

Why do I allow bullies to trigger me?

Long ago, I should have learned that bullies have no power over me. And most importantly, that bullies have no power at all.

But trigger me, they do.

I was bullied for way too many of my younger years.

Bullied because I didn’t have a father.

Bullied because my mother was a child.

Bullied because I came from a broken home.

Bullied because my mother was excommunicated.

Bullied because my grandmother was excommunicated.

Bullied because I wore boy’s shoes.

Bullied because I was too tall, too skinny, awkward, scrawny, and homely.

Bullied because there was nothing special about me.

There I said it. So what?

There are millions of bullied kids out there with far worse problems.

And okay; so what if I wore boy’s shoes?

I had big feet.

And anyway, that was what was left in a bag on our Huron Street doorstep fresh from Goodwill.

Be thankful, was what my grandmother said.

So yeah, when I’m bullied, I lash out.

And I often go from zero to 100—just like that.

I have no tolerance for bully behavior.

And between us? I often feel regret for my aggressive response.

But then, I don’t.

I feel vindicated.

I feel like I’m making up for all those years that I was torturously bullied.

I decided a long time ago that I could be the heroine in my story.

Sometimes the story works out, and sometimes it doesn’t.

4 thoughts on “Why Bullies Trigger Me

  1. You’re a role model to me, Terri! I too get aggressive when treated badly.
    Wish I could take away all the hurt. You are a beautiful, smart, sensitive, pro-active leader. Never stop being you!

    1. Thanks so much, Kim. It is so important to stand up for what is right, even though it might cause a bad personal outcome.

  2. One of childhood bullies stands out. Her name is Bett. I had speech problems, and while my classmates went out for recess, I had to go to speech class. When my classmates wore fashionable shoes, I wore brown corrective shoes in elementary, and wooded heel and sole shoes in junior high school instead of the popular B-Bops. I froze with anxiety issues, and that was another reason to make fun of me. > After all these years, I looked her up on Facebook and she is a doctor. I hope she doesn’t bully her patients.

    1. I don’t think we ever forget those who bully us, Kathy. So weird that you talk about shoes because all of my clothes were bought at Salvation Army, and my feet were so big that I often wore brown boy’s shoes. I got terribly bullied for that. I also got bullied for being so tall and skinny, and I have to laugh about that now, because who doesn’t want to be tall and thin? As far as your doctor bully, I say once a bully, always a bully.

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